That whole thing had, as I’d just thought to myself, gone out the window with Emmy. And Becky had more or less put the nail in the coffin. In the end, my internal struggle was silly.I certainly still believed the overall teaching of the Church, as I had before the Summer started. And I faithfully practiced the prayer and fasting rules assigned by my spiritual father. And I went to church regularly. And, with the one exception of my sex life, conducted myself in a proper Orthodox manner. But that exception was one I’d made willingly, knowing the choice I was making and the likely results. I needed to end the internal struggle, one way or the other. It was either stop having sex with anyone, or truly make peace with the decision I had made, much the way my mom had.“Why second thoughts?” Jeannette asked after a couple of minutes.“Because my church, like every other one I know of, teaches that sex is supposed to be reserved for marriage, and you should be married to the same person for. Dan took a deep breath, and looked away, out the window at the foliage. ‘I, I, I never dreamed this. . .’ ‘Me neither,’ Brenda whispered, stroking his chest. ‘I thought part of me was dead, never to rise again.’ ‘Yeah, what you said.’ ‘What would you like to do next, Dan?’ ‘Huh?’ ‘Do you want to make out some more? Go a little farther? Take off our clothes?’ He looked down, and she tried to follow his eyes. ‘I, I, I don’t know what comes next,’ he whispered. Shaking her head, she lifted his up to meet her eyes. ‘What do you mean, Dan? You’ve made love to a woman before.’ ‘Well, Brenda, I grew up in a diff’rent time. There was back seats, an’ we’d kiss and snuggle, but that was a far as most of us got. Only felt up titties through clothes. When I was married, we’d go right to the, the, the main event if I was ready. Never saw my wife nekkid, never saw anybody I ever dated nekkid.’ ‘You’ve seen women naked, you’ve seen me naked at the pond.’ Blushing, he turned away. ‘I watched.
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